Clarity

This New Year’s I’ve reflected upon many things, more-so than I have previously. I am facing a rather LARGE birthday this year and I have to admit it scares me. I didn’t have a problem with other milestone birthdays but this one is just looming over me like a black cloud. Not that I can stop it from coming, it just makes me realize how little time I may have on earth and just what have I done for all the past years I’ve had.

“Regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention”, is not my mantra. I’ve had so many regrets and I want a “do over” but I know I’m not going to get one. Some regrets do bring about amazing outcomes. I married way too young but if I hadn’t done that I would have never met Joel and Melissa, my absolutely beautiful children. These two have grown into amazing adults, spouses, and parents. I couldn’t be more proud of them. And without them I wouldn’t have Mya and Halle, Jackson and Olivia. THese are awesome grandchildren that are such a gift given to me. Two additional grandchildren, Aidan and Addy, have been gifted to me as well. They are all such blessings. Ok, I can’t do that over nor do I want to.

I do wish I had pursued an education and had been given guidance on what direction I could have taken. Growing up I didn’t have parents that sat me down and explained how many options were out there for me. I didn’t realize just what potential I might have had. I know my parents did the best they could but I never thought to pursue anything further than marriage and children. I’ve worked in an academic environment for the past 10 years but I’ve always found an excuse not to pursue an education. What would I take? What interests me? How can I do this with one car I have to share and working full time? And on and on and on.

Since I discovered how much I love to quilt I’ve let that become my passion and outreach. No regrets there unless I could have started this many years ago. Pardon My Bag was born last year. I’ve received many praises on the handbags I make. Not as many sales as I would like but I feel that may be coming too. I’ll keep making them until I either get bored with it, not really likely, or am told I’m wasting my time and please stop.

I’m very clear on how much I love to create. I can tune out the entire world, miss a meal, hate to stop to use the bathroom, when I’m creating. I love this mode I can get into but it’s rare that it comes without interuptions.

I’m very clear on how poorly I’ve taken care of my health. There’s a regret, a big one. Bad habits die hard and I’ve always hated that diet resolution at the beginning of each year due to the fact that I always fail to keep it.

My resolutions this year are to be kinder, to be much less about me, and to listen more. To give my undivided attention to a person or project and not keep looking at my phone, playing a game, or whatever else I consider to be more important. The author, Toni Morrison, has been known to asked if our eyes light up when someone walks into the room? I’ve always remembered that. My grandchildren and my children, for that matter, will always see my eyes light up when I see them. Nothing else matters. I want them to always know how special they are to me and how happy I am when I see them.

Here’s wishing you all a very Happy New Year. May there always be someone whose eyes light up when you enter the room.

Until Next Time….

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